Monty Python and My Personal Battle with our Stepchild to the North Known as Canada

Man, I knew I could count on a crazy Zimbabwean to come up with a starting point for my blog.  My buddy Allen read fatal hilarity (still my new fav phrase) and immediately a light went off about a lil sketch that our buddies over at Monty Python did in their Flying Circus.  I'm mixing it up a little this time, I'm going to actively try to find a way to get to Canada at some point; just so I can talk a little trash.  Yes, it does make me feel better about myself to talk trash aboot Canucks, okay?

1. Funniest joke in the world (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funniest_joke_in_the_world)- This article is about a Fying Circus sketch that's also known as "Joke Warfare" and "Killer Joke."  Pretty much means that the joke's really friggin funny.  So funny, in fact, that it can lead to fatal hilarity.  Honestly, this sketch is so brilliant that you just have to read the wiki.  I'll continue with a hyperlink because the wiki itself is so funny that commentary really isn't necessary.  So click on it, read it, snicker, and return to me, my children...  Oh oh.  I think wiki's broken.  It's not loading.  my life may be over.  Hey, false alarm...  Here we go again...

2. Tickling (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tickling)- This is actually super interesting.  There are 2 types of tickle sensory; the goosebumpy kind (called knismesis), which all animals have, and the gargalesis, the belly laugh kind, which are believed to be limited to humans and primates.  The latter is believed to be an evolutionary trait because of where the responsive areas lie (ie, the ribs, etc).  Hey, wait a minute...  I see the word violence...  Canada, violence, absolutely!  Let's hit that link!

3. Violence (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence)- Violence is the expression of physical force against self (youch) or other, compelling action against one's will on pain of being hurt.  Really wordy and not fun, so I'll sum up the good stuff in here and move along...  Oh hey, it says it should be noted that violence can be non-physical as well, so I'm noting it.  Duly noted.  So globally violence is used as a tool for manipulation, so that's kinda cool.  They say that few things are universal.  Well, violence is.  As is tickling.  I prefer violence by tickling, but that's just me.  Anywho...  Carrying on...  Scientists disagree as to whether violence is inherent in humans.  I'm going with the positive angle on this one.  I prefer to live in my happy world of rainbows and kittens where there is no violence.  Oh wait a minute...  Health and prevention, murder statistics...  Hmmm... No way it's hard to find Canada in here...  

4. Canada (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada) Oh look, there it is!  500 murders in Canada according to recent estimates.  Oh, what are they doing up there??  Raping and pillaging?  I understand that there isn't a whole lot to do up there, but get it together, will ya?  And stop pronouncing things like "aboot" and "eh." But I disgress...  It's the second largest country by land in the world and has a whopping 33.6 mil people.  That's like half the number of sheep there or some sort of similar livestock.  Pfft.    That's less than the populations of LA and NYC combined.  Weak sauce.  

Let's take a look at their biggest cities:  

• Toronto- home of the Blue Jays (in the US MLB), the Maple Leafs (apparently they can't spell in Toronto... the Raptors (in the NBA, the "N" standing for the nation of the U.S.), I'll give them the Maple Leafs (they can have the NHL as Yogesh pointed out, but apparently they can't spell in Toronto) there HAVE to be some other teams...  Oh yeah, the Argonauts, no joke, are in the Canadian Football League...  Hmmm...  No comment.
• Montreal- keeps trying to succeed and become it's own nation and I can't say that I blame it
• Vancouver- going to host the Olympics in 2010, which is pretty bad ass, not gonna lie.  Too bad they're the winter Olympics, but you can't really expect Canada to host the summer Olympics...  I mean, they're for warm weather and they're bad ass...  So it no dice for the Canucks.  SPEAKING OF WHICH, they thought it was a good idea to name their hockey team... the Canucks...  Really?  That's almost as ridiculous as naming a team from the U.S. the Yankees...  What kind of idiot would do that?!?  Oh yeah, and up there is their logo.  What does that have to do with a Canadian other than it has a "C" in it?  The lack of brilliance is astounding.  Yeah, my job here is complete.