Hammer Pants and a Bottle of Whine

So does the name Stanley Kirk Burrell mean anything to anyone? No? Oh, you guys are SO lame. It's MC Hammer, the founder of the Hammer Pants Revolution. Somewhere, far above the coolness of the Orange Revolution and the Rose Revolution, and slightly below the American Revolution lies the Hammer Pants Revolution. But before we go any further, let me share with you my inspiration: http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2009/06/10 That being said, let's wiki our beloved antagonist.

1. MC Hammer- Wow, I was going to paraphrase, but this has parts that just have to be copied and pasted into this bitch, cuz it's pretty damn impressive... "Stanley Kirk Burrell (born March 30, 1962), known better by his stage names MC Hammer and Hammer, is an African-American multi-platinum selling MC and dancer most popular during the late 1980s until the mid 1990s, known for his dramatic "rise and fall" from fame and fortune and his trademark Hammer Pants. He became a preacher during the late 1990s and as of 2008 works as a co-initiator of a dance website, television show host and CEO, still performing occasionally at concerts and other functions in addition to his own reality show.

Although considered a "forefather" of entertainment rap music (or "pop rap") at one time, due to his mainstream appeal since the late 1980s, he would later be considered a "sell-out" rapper by many. Nonetheless, BET ranked Hammer as the #7 Best Dancer Of All Time." Not bad for a guy who wrote a song about a time that doesn't really exist. The question that I ponder is: what would have happened to that song if he would have written it about, oh, I don't know, 2:30 time? I can't begin to imagine that STOP! 2:30 time! would have had the same effect. Okay so after singing the praises of said Hammer Pants, I have to wikiwander there...

2. Hammer Pants- Apparently Hammer Pants are officially called Harem Pants in fashionista circles throughout the globe. BO-RING... Back to my main man, Stan. Gotta find something with some sort of cool hyperlinkage... Okay, so locales are always good for linking... So we've got this one...

3. Tracy, California- (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tracy,_California) OH... It's a suburb of Stockton. Wow. that's. not. exciting. at. all. Aight, so it's also KINDA a suburb for the San Fran Bay area. Wait a minute... Tracy, California. Northern Cali? Wine? Yeah, there's gotta be something about wine in here. Lemme look. Wow. Nothing about wine. I could really go for a bottle of wine right now. Maybe a nice pinot or zin... Cab even. Hmmm... sad. But I digress. I whinegress, if I may. I don't even know if that works, but I'm leaving it. It's my blog, I can do what I want. Come to find out, this is a totally hoppin' place. They've had problems with water contamination because of DDT in the area (which is awesome) and choloroform from the Georgia Pacific operations in the area. Wow, this place must have incredibly low rates of birth defects! Not only that, but it also lies on top of 3 faults and next to a 4th, so it's 'quakey, too! Double. Bonus. OH, it has a sister city! ...and it's in Japan... Clickin on that one...

Memuro, Japan- (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memuro,_Hokkaido) Looks bo-ring, but I'm winging it. It's itty bitty, but it's on an islandy0looking place called Hokkaido... That's gotta be cool...

5. Hokkaido, Japan- (http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hokkaido) Okay, so this place is GORGEOUS. It means North Sea Circuis and it's an island in the nothern part of Japan. It's Japan's second largest island behind the main one and it looks absolutely breathtaking. It's the home of the sity of Saporro, which I've heard is also a great Japanese beer. This place was settled 20,000 years ago?!?! Shut up! It had to be COLD back then. Youch. Wait a tick, I can go home how. I'm going home. If you guys want to learn abotu Japan, I recommend wikiing it. But I recommend wikiing everything, so you should've seen that one coming.

Until next time, remember that I'm too legit to quit... Off to Target I go.

PS... I fully intend to get photoshop soon so I can make the pictures on this blog worth a damn. It. will. happen.