Monty Python and My Personal Battle with our Stepchild to the North Known as Canada

Man, I knew I could count on a crazy Zimbabwean to come up with a starting point for my blog.  My buddy Allen read fatal hilarity (still my new fav phrase) and immediately a light went off about a lil sketch that our buddies over at Monty Python did in their Flying Circus.  I'm mixing it up a little this time, I'm going to actively try to find a way to get to Canada at some point; just so I can talk a little trash.  Yes, it does make me feel better about myself to talk trash aboot Canucks, okay?

1. Funniest joke in the world (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funniest_joke_in_the_world)- This article is about a Fying Circus sketch that's also known as "Joke Warfare" and "Killer Joke."  Pretty much means that the joke's really friggin funny.  So funny, in fact, that it can lead to fatal hilarity.  Honestly, this sketch is so brilliant that you just have to read the wiki.  I'll continue with a hyperlink because the wiki itself is so funny that commentary really isn't necessary.  So click on it, read it, snicker, and return to me, my children...  Oh oh.  I think wiki's broken.  It's not loading.  my life may be over.  Hey, false alarm...  Here we go again...

2. Tickling (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tickling)- This is actually super interesting.  There are 2 types of tickle sensory; the goosebumpy kind (called knismesis), which all animals have, and the gargalesis, the belly laugh kind, which are believed to be limited to humans and primates.  The latter is believed to be an evolutionary trait because of where the responsive areas lie (ie, the ribs, etc).  Hey, wait a minute...  I see the word violence...  Canada, violence, absolutely!  Let's hit that link!

3. Violence (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence)- Violence is the expression of physical force against self (youch) or other, compelling action against one's will on pain of being hurt.  Really wordy and not fun, so I'll sum up the good stuff in here and move along...  Oh hey, it says it should be noted that violence can be non-physical as well, so I'm noting it.  Duly noted.  So globally violence is used as a tool for manipulation, so that's kinda cool.  They say that few things are universal.  Well, violence is.  As is tickling.  I prefer violence by tickling, but that's just me.  Anywho...  Carrying on...  Scientists disagree as to whether violence is inherent in humans.  I'm going with the positive angle on this one.  I prefer to live in my happy world of rainbows and kittens where there is no violence.  Oh wait a minute...  Health and prevention, murder statistics...  Hmmm... No way it's hard to find Canada in here...  

4. Canada (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada) Oh look, there it is!  500 murders in Canada according to recent estimates.  Oh, what are they doing up there??  Raping and pillaging?  I understand that there isn't a whole lot to do up there, but get it together, will ya?  And stop pronouncing things like "aboot" and "eh." But I disgress...  It's the second largest country by land in the world and has a whopping 33.6 mil people.  That's like half the number of sheep there or some sort of similar livestock.  Pfft.    That's less than the populations of LA and NYC combined.  Weak sauce.  

Let's take a look at their biggest cities:  

• Toronto- home of the Blue Jays (in the US MLB), the Maple Leafs (apparently they can't spell in Toronto... the Raptors (in the NBA, the "N" standing for the nation of the U.S.), I'll give them the Maple Leafs (they can have the NHL as Yogesh pointed out, but apparently they can't spell in Toronto) there HAVE to be some other teams...  Oh yeah, the Argonauts, no joke, are in the Canadian Football League...  Hmmm...  No comment.
• Montreal- keeps trying to succeed and become it's own nation and I can't say that I blame it
• Vancouver- going to host the Olympics in 2010, which is pretty bad ass, not gonna lie.  Too bad they're the winter Olympics, but you can't really expect Canada to host the summer Olympics...  I mean, they're for warm weather and they're bad ass...  So it no dice for the Canucks.  SPEAKING OF WHICH, they thought it was a good idea to name their hockey team... the Canucks...  Really?  That's almost as ridiculous as naming a team from the U.S. the Yankees...  What kind of idiot would do that?!?  Oh yeah, and up there is their logo.  What does that have to do with a Canadian other than it has a "C" in it?  The lack of brilliance is astounding.  Yeah, my job here is complete.

Whoo, it's time for a phone tap!

This blog has absolutely NOTHING to do with a phone tap (http://www.q101.com/airstaff/shermantingle_phonetap.aspx), but I felt that I sould give a shout out to my girl Clarissa Jenkins just because I love her.

Okay, now onto the matter at hand. I SHOULD be studying, but instead I'm writing this hoping to entertain but a precious few. May I tell you, small audience out there, you are slackin. Not like the kind of slackin that will get you through undergrad as long as you're okay with losing a little bit of sleep here and there, but the kind of slacking that got Shawna a D- in comp sci 110. We're talking MAJOR slackage goin on in my friend department. How am I supposed to Wikiwander from the topics you comment if you're not commenting?? HUH? Well, I have one friend who not only comments but sends me damn good subjects. Thank you Yogesh. Your diligence will not go unrewarded. That being said, check out this one that my Wiki-loving pal sent, Category: Jokes. That's all it says, but the treasures it holds...

1. Category: Jokes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Jokes)- This is a list of types of jokes with links to a definition and examples of each. So cool...

2. Administratium- WTF is this? A joke I've never heard?? Not possible! Oh jesus, I understand why. Why would anyone EVER need to know "a well known joke in scientific circles, and is a spoof both on the bureaucracy of scientific establishments and on descriptions of newly discovered chemical elements"? Ugh... Okay, back to the list I go... Oh, this is too easy... There have to be SO many good ones under this one...

3. Blonde jokes(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blonde_joke#Blonde_jokes)- Yes, this is totally where I was looking to go with this... "The archetypical "dumb blonde," while viewed as attractive and popular, has been criticised as lacking in both common street-sense and academic intelligence, often to a comedic level." Wow, were they looking to describe Jessica Simpson? Lacking sense to a comedic level? Yeah, that's her. For sure. One can even see the stupidity in her expression. Anywho... Reading further... Whoa, something really interesting!

4. Sex and intelligence (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_and_intelligence)- This MUST be read... Wow. "Sex and intelligence research investigates differences in the distributions of cognitive skills between men and women." Ah, so the age-old battle wages on! So apparently it's really hard to accurately study this subject because IQ tests have a built in bias due to woman's incredible knack at the verbal stuff and men's, well... men's lack of verbal ass-kickingness. That's basically what it boils down to. I mean, I read the article and all I got from it is that women pretty much kick ass. And I love that. Time to move on before I read something that contradicts with my belief...

5. Charles Darwin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Darwin)- Everybody knows who this dude is! He's the favorite celebrity of Christians around the globe! Total side note, but I was watching a show on the Discovery channel today about the Galapagos Islands, and the rumor on the street is that he developed the "Theory" of Evolution (not so sure it's really a "theory" anymore... It has pretty much been proven consistently since it's conception, but whatever...) Another side note, everybody should watch Religulous. I think it's my new favorite movie. Gonna buy the blu-ray now... Not on blu-ray... Reevaluating purchase decision. Back to blogging... I didn't know that the ship that he took all over the world was called the beagle. Wow... I think I'm going to end on a dog note. Not the longest blog, but certainly not the least inspired. Off to homework I go. Procrastination is a beautiful thing...

Until next time remember: What Would Mel Do?

The Deuce

Oh and to think that my buddy Yogesh and I used to be arch rivals and now he's providing me with an incredible starting point for my sophomore blog...

1.  List of unusual deaths (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unusual_deaths) - Really?!?!  Could there be a more interesting and entertaining place to begin this journey?  It is a list of unique, or extremely rare circumstances – recorded throughout history. The list also includes less rare, but still unusual, deaths of prominent people.  That is entertaining without reading any further into it, but I did...  Oh I did... Okay so I'll just let you in on the ones that I found to be the MOST notable or just generally strange. 

• This thing starts out with a bang.  I bet that you had no idea that Empedolces (the pre-Socratic philosopher, wow...  never thought I'd ever need that one from Freshman year...) jumped into Mt. Etna?!  Friggin Mt. Etna!!  Yeah, it should come as no surprise that we never studied his stuff in school because CLEARLY he wasn't that bright.  Apparently it was to convince people that he had been taken by the Gods on Olympus...  Really??  Was there no better way??  People were SO ungullible at this time, I'm sure it must have taken such actions to prove a point....  Hmmm...  Wait a minute...  Okay, off soapbox and onto next cool death...
• Chrysippus died of laughter.  No shit?  That's awesome.  Wow, maybe I shouldn't say things like "this cracks me up" or "he kills me."  IT COULD HAPPEN.  Dude was watching a drunk donkey eat figs and straight up keeled over from laughing.  It seriously cannot get any better than this...  I have to find my next wanderword before this article goes downhill...  and...  there it is... "died of laughter"

2. Death from laughter (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal_hilarity) - THIS CANNOT BE REAL...  It's listed as Fatal hilarity.  Wow.  I have a new favorite term.  Onto the article now.  It says that cases of death by laughter date back to ancient Greece and that "death may result from several pathologies that deviate from benign laughter."  Is there such thing as malignant humor?  That takes 100% of the fun out of humor. Carly, I win, you lose.  You could potentially be malignant to my health.  Peep this: March 24, 1975 a guy named Alex Mitchell died from watching the Kung Fu Kapers episode of the Goonies.  The Goonies are funny and all, but death?  Really?  Wow...  You.  Have.  Got.  To.  Be.  Kidding.  Me.  This article talks about Who Framed Roger Rabbit.  Oh this is definitely my new wanderword...  (or wanderPHRASE as it were)

3.  Who Framed Roger Rabbit (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who_Framed_Roger_Rabbit) - A fabulous movie from my childhood, a Nintendo game with which I spent many hours (oh, side note, I still have a functioning NES circa 1987), as well as a wiki.  Let us read on friends... The film was released in 1988 and was a fantasy comedy that combined traditional animation and live action with elements of film noir.  (Anything that has any elements of film noir must be cool because it's French, right?)  In case you don't remember this fab flick, it goes down like this:  Roger is a bad ass rabbit that's all the talk of Toontown, which is a section of Hollywood where the toons coexist with people.  He married a hussy named Jessica (most recently played by Jessica Biel) who cheats on him by playing pattycake with the owner of the studio.  Well, when the owner gets capped, Roger's in the hot seat.  Judge Doom is out for Roger's head and his weasel henchmen are all about roughing up our boy Roger...  Yadda yadda yadda...  Roger wins.  The End.  Well, apparently Mike Eisner didn't want it released because it was a cartoon and there were innuendos...  Wow, how times have changed.  Shrek, anyone?  Whoa.  I guess the last time I saw this I was really young, but I had no idea the messages in this movie.  Apparently the corruption is supposed to be symbolic of the 40s in L.A.  Ugh.  Yucky.  And the dip is symbolic or Hitler's "Final Solution."  Wow.  That's deep for a cartoon.  I'd expect nothing less of Spielberg.  That man's mind is always a-runnin'.  Smart fella that one is.  

And I'm ending this post on a cool random fact for today:  Who Framed Roger Rabbit is the first and only time that Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse appeared on screen together.  

There.  Don't say I never gave you anything.

Keep sendin those comments.  What ever shall I wiki without comments? 

Until next time, stay classy, San Diego.  I'm Kelsey Chappell?  

Dammit, who typed the question mark on the teleprompter?

My Maiden Voyage

Oh the joy that is Wiki.  I remember my first visit like it was yesterday...  I was so innocently looking up information for school and it popped up.  It was like it was fate.  My destiny was sent to me in the form of an online, user edited encyclopedia.  Have you ever heard of a more glorious thing?  I think not, my friends, I think not.  It was like an angel surfed the entire web to find little old me.  Talk about feeling special!  

If you're looking for something really funny, you need my friend Carly at http://wikrolled.blogspot.com.  If you want random nuggets of info in between rambling thoughts, you found it!  Although I am quite the experienced Wikiwanderer at this point, I have recently discovered that others take a small amount of joy in my aimless hours of meandering through the articles found on this site.  It has actually turned into quite the unhealthy obsession, but I bask in all of it's glory, so like the crack addict to the rock, to it I return.  I take the topics, put them in a nutshell (look at me, I'm in a nutshell!) and dispense these nuggets of info to you...

Today, my journey began (as they usually do) with a news topic...  Apparently Obama wants to bring the glories of the high speed rail to our fine land, so I begin with the maglev train.  Pretty much the second best thing since sliced bread, behind me, of course.

Maglev- It's the world's fastest train that is based on the principles of Magnetic Levitation.  So very sweet.  We all have been on the low speed ones at the airports (not so cool) but the high speed ones are where it's at, fo sho.  Okay, so the 1st patents for maglev trains were granted in 1937 to Hermann Kemper...  1937 and we still don't have a high-speed one in the US?!?!  That's incredible!  Okay...  Next interesting thing...  The 1st commercial maglev with longstar propulsion (that's the cool thing that makes it all fast-like) was in Hamburg...  Hmmm...  Don't know a ton about Hamburg...  Never been there...  Better click on that one...

Hamburg- Second largest city in Germany and the real name is Free and Hanseatic City of Hamburg??  Really???  Get out!  Wow, learn somethin new everyday.  Okay, so that's cool.  It has about 1.8mil people and kinda looks like this: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/18/Binnenalster_Panorama.jpg  Well, actually it looks exactly like that.  Curious, no?  It got it's name from a castle that Charlemagne had built there.  Oh Charlemagne...  What a guy...  It has a patron saint called Hammonia that emerged during the early 19th century.  It was only 30 miles from the inner German border and was hurting until the reunification in 1990 but since Eastern and Baltic states have started entering into the EU, it's in a sweet position.  Hey....  Wait a minute...  I ALWAYS like to read about the Baltic states...  Wiki it!

Baltic States- The beautiful Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania are fondly referred to as the Baltic States or the Baltic Nations.  (Total aside...  I'm in LOVE with Lithuania and am dying to go there ASAP.  I gotta figure out a way to get that done...  Adding to the list now.  Yes, I've started an official list...)  They're in northern Europe and they are all in the EU.  Wait, I see Lithuania, better click on it...

Lithuania-  It's the southernmost and, obviously, the coolest of the Baltic states.  It's capital is Vilnius and the whole nation is only 3.35mil people.  It has been an independent nation since 1990 and it has been Polish, Russian, Prussian, and Soviet, yadda yadda yadda...  Now fun stuff.  Wait a minute...  Um...  Still not super interesting...  Wow, for such a cool place it sure does have a shitty Wiki.  Wait, they have the highest suicide rate in the world??  That's messed up.  Hmmm...  Gonna search for a wanderword...  FOUND IT!  Before I go, look at these images, so cool, definitely gotta get there... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kretinga_rural_tourism.jpg,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Lithuania_Ladakalnis.jpg, and http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c2/Vilnius_skyline_at_night.Lithuania.JPG

Žydrūnas Ilgauskas- Born in Kaunas, Lithuania and plays for the Cavaliers.  He's 7'3" which makes him the 2nd tallest player in the NBA behind Yao Ming.  While at the University of Kentucky, he was the leading scorer and rebounder throughout his career.  He was drafted by the Cavs in 1996 but broke a bone in his foot, so he didn't play until 1997.  Wait a minute, I can click on University of Kentucky...

University of Kentucky- It was founded in 1865 in Lexington...  Wait a minute.  I don't give a damn about the University of Kentucky.  I'm done with this wikiwander.  No bueno this time.  Try again next time.

Tell me where you want me to start next time and I'll Wikiwander from there, and until next time, on a scale of 1 to awesome, I'm super great.